I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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