I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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