No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Enjoy the penises
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize