just come out here and I will go home with you...
Don't make out with my wife yet
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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