Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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