I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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