I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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