I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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