I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he wants to bone in the snuggie
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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