and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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