Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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