On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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