we're chasing vodka with high fives
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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