the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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