Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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