I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize