Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
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It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize