If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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