So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize