I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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