Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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