Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
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I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize