Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's like heaven, but drunker
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Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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