The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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