I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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