Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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