people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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