I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
