i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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