you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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