Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am spending my child support on dildos
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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