I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Say something about gay babies.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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