Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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