Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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