3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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