she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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