Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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