Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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