Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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