I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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