my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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