how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize