here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize