there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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