I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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