Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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