And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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