Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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