Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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