I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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