he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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