You smell like stripper and shame
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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